Your New Normal – How to Adjust to Life with a Chronic Illness
The first diagnosis of a chronic illness usually comes as a deep shock. Your life has changed. It will change even more, over time. And not for the better.
You are on a road that no one wants to take.
It takes time to absorb the bad news. And it takes time, effort and hard work to adjust to the reality of living with a chronic illness. Until it becomes your “new normal.”
But scientific evidence is on your side! Studies show that many people who live with chronic illnesses adjust surprisingly well. The severity of the illness is less important than the patient’s personal adaptation to it, and the quality of their support system.
Many chronic illnesses, such as diabetes and arthritis, are controllable with medication and lifestyle adjustment. The ability to create a positive new normal can be a supportive factor in the treatment and management of the disease.
A recent study showed that even patients with ALS, a severe and progressive neurodegenerative disease, tend to have a high rate of resilience to their always fatal illness.
Initial shock
When you hear the somber words diagnosing your chronic illness, you may go into shock. You may disconnect from the full impact of the information. You may not even feel anything.
This is perfectly normal. The shock reaction protects you and helps to keep you functioning.
Understand your illness
Once you start to absorb what is happening to you, information is your best friend.
Try to find out as much as you can about your illness. Put yourself in charge. Ask your doctors endless questions. Read as much as you can. Observe yourself and your individual symptoms.
Your illness doesn’t define you
Knowing and understanding your situation doesn’t mean that your illness defines you.
You are still the same person you were before the diagnosis. You are a unique person. You are many things: your life story, your attitude, your work, your family, your ideas, your dreams, your identity.
Your illness is now part of your life, but it is not who you are. This is the most important part of adjusting to a chronic illness.
Support
Many studies show that support from others is the second major factor in creating a well-adjusted new normal.
Partners of patients with chronic illness often make consistent and successful efforts to stay positive and continue the relationship, as much as possible, as it was before.
Some couples discover a new depth of love. Understanding and accepting that you need support is key. But also acknowledge that you still have a lot to give.
You and your partner will need to find a new balance in your relationship. You’ll learn to meet both your needs in new and different ways.
Extend the old normal into the new normal
The life you have today is the product of many individual choices. Try to find ways of continuing as many aspects of your life as you can. Be inventive. Remain open to new developments.
End the comparisons
“Why me?,” is a valid question. Allow yourself to ask it, particularly at the start of living with your chronic illness. But, quite likely, you will find that there is no obvious answer.
Instead, let your chronic illness become the end of comparisons with others. This is your life. The only life you will ever experience. Others may seem more fortunate, but your life is your own.
Don’t deny your emotions
Chronic illness can make you feel physically weak. It can also make you feel very emotional.
Just as in the grieving process, anger and sadness fulfill vital functions in the adjustment process. Don’t deny them, don’t push them away.
You are trying to find a new normal, not deny or wipe your feelings away.
Connect to compassion
It is not weak to feel compassion with yourself. What you are going through is tough. What your family and friends are going through is tough too. Compassion fosters healing.
Connect to the moment
With many chronic illnesses, the future can look bleak. Other diseases are not life threatening, but need constant attention.
You may have to undergo exhausting and painful procedures. You may face a future of restricted mobility and discomfort.
But you don’t live in the future, you live today. Don’t let the future destroy the present.
You are alive, right here, right now. Take a deep breath. Look at the world around you. Enjoy the input of your senses, as much as you can. Sounds, smells, taste, texture.
This is your life. Right now. This is you.
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