9 Ways You Can Help When Your Loved One Is In the Grip of Depression
It can be very painful to watch a loved one in the grip of depression. It is also very painful to be at the receiving end of some of the behavior that comes with the condition.
Here are 9 ways you can help.
1. Understand depression.
Depression is not a choice. It is also not a moral failing or a sign of weakness. Depression is an illness.
While depression affects some people only mildly, others are unable to function in daily life. Because it is a mental health condition, you, as a loved one, cannot fix it. Neither can the person with depression just ‘snap out of it’.
However, depression can be successfully treated with counseling, psychotherapy, and medication.
2. Recognize it’s not you, it’s them
Symptoms of depression affect the inner life of the person who suffers from the condition.
Sufferers often experience low energy, a seemingly endless cycle of negative thoughts, hopelessness, and exhaustion. They can’t enjoy the things they used to love. Depression disturbs their sleep. They blame themselves for past mistakes and often feel worthless.
These symptoms can lead to unpleasant behavior that has everything to do with depression and nothing to do with you. It’s hard not to take a sudden outburst of anger, or constant withdrawal, personally. It hurts. But when someone is depressed, they cannot respond normally.
3. Don’t abandon your loved one right now
Although depression may prevent your loved one from expressing it, this is the time they need you most. Don’t stop inviting them and including them.
If they are in a really bad state, keep trying to talk to them. Discuss the small things in life that are so important. Talk about your daily life. Recall the things they used to enjoy. They may not be able to respond in kind, but they will hear you.
4. Provide authentic contact
There is an entire school of psychotherapy that places authentic contact at the core of the healing process. That authentic contact is exactly what your loved one needs from you.
Be there, be yourself. Don’t give up hope. Authentic contact validates the other person. It can reach all the way inside the walls of depression.
5. Encourage them to seek help
Depression is treatable. Seeking professional help is not shameful. It’s smart.
And it’s the fastest way to lasting recovery. Support your loved one, but don’t shame or blame them. Support their choices for treatment, even if you would choose differently. It’s their life.
6. Be a good travel companion on the journey back to health
The road to recovery from depression can be long and full of setbacks. Your loved one will need support in the long term.
But there will also be better times on the way. Enjoy them together. This is still the same person you love. Encourage them to express their love for you, when they are able to.
7. Create and keep healthy boundaries
Because of the bleakness inside their own minds, people in the grip of depression can make everything and everyone around them seem dark and hopeless.
Create space for yourself. Keep your own positive worldview alive. Spend time with others who are not depressed. Allow yourself some lightness and laughter.
8. Be open about depression
Unfortunately, depression still carries a significant social stigma.
That is unhelpful, and it is also untrue.
Don’t treat your loved one’s depression as a ‘dirty secret’. Find out how they would like you to talk to others. Then let those others take their lead from you as you discuss depression as a part of life.
9. Look after yourself
You need to stay healthy.
For your loved one, so that you can continue to help them. Nobody benefits if you develop a mental health condition or a physical illness.
And for yourself. Your life is just as important as theirs. Care for yourself as you would for someone else.
What do you need right now? Find things to enjoy, with or without your loved one. Develop an individual sense of yourself and the world around you. You are allowed to be happy, even if your loved one is not, right now.
Depression is hard on your loved one and it’s hard on you.
Reach out to a professional who can ease the pain for all involved. With compassionate help from you and a therapist, depression’s grip on your loved one’s life can be loosened and hope restored.
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