Why Anger Management is the Best Gift You Can Give to Your Family
Do you scream at your toddler? Sometimes? Maybe just once? Do you have shouting matches with your partner while your children are there? Have you ever been tempted to become violent or do you have a partner who is in danger of becoming violent?
Some of the above are quite possibly true for you.
And that is normal. Anger is a normal human emotion. But as we grow up and become adults, we learn to regulate our emotions. So that they don’t affect us. And, more importantly, so that we don’t do damage to others.
Feeling anger is one thing. How we express it and how we manage it in relationships and in the family is what matters.
What uncontrolled anger does to children
- Feeling unsafe
Anger makes children feel unsafe, even if it is not directed against them.
For a small child, the parents are the universe. When things are calm and predictable, the universe is in order. The child feels safe. Perhaps even safe to explore the full range of their own emotions.
But when a parent gets angry, the foundations of the child’s world are shattered.
What can you rely on if the parent’s emotions are out of control?
- Fear of the parent
When parents direct their anger towards a child, the child’s response is fear.
That fear will often make the child comply.
But the strongest message that remains is ‘I am afraid of my parent’.
- Damage to the child’s development
Research has shown that children who fear their parents’ anger grow up with less empathy and emotional intelligence themselves.
They need to close themselves off from other people’s emotions so that they don’t get flooded by their parents’ unregulated and hurtful expressions of anger. You can find some of this research in the book When Anger Hurts Your Kids by a team of renowned psychologists.
What is the real cause of your anger?
‘My toddler made me angry by not getting dressed’. ‘My teenager made me angry by doing badly at school.’ ‘My partner made me angry by not listening to me.’ This is how many of us think. How we like to remember the cause of our anger. But in reality, these events are the triggers of our uncontrolled anger response.
The real cause is often hidden much deeper inside us. Sometimes we don’t want to look.
But the anger is yours, not others’.You need to deal with it. If you don’t, you harm your family and don’t benefit yourself either. There is no shame in having anger management issues. It is a psychological issue that can be successfully treated. People overcome anger issues every day.
Anger management and how it works
Understanding yourself
Anger management helps you focus on your own anger, no matter what or who triggers it.During the course of the anger management sessions, you get to understand yourself much better. You feel less helpless in the face of disharmony, lack of support, and things not going to plan.
If your anger stems from the past, you need to deal with those memories, rather than put it on the people in your present life. If it stems from a different place in your life, you need to deal with it ‘at source’.
Often, anger management issues are ‘inherited’ from being exposed yourself to a family life that made you feel unsafe and fearful. And less able to develop your empathy.
Anger management strategies
Anger management sessions will help you to develop better strategies, right now, to own your own emotions and prevent you from hurting your family.
In the long run, you can learn what you didn’t learn when you were growing up, such as:
- how to feel and regulate your emotions.
- ways to engage in conflicts productively.
- how to be a real partner.
- tools to bring up your children without pushing all your unresolved issues into their developing minds.
Anger management truly is the best gift you can give to your family – and to yourself.There are face-to-face courses in every city and also online. In addition, there are classes specially designed for fathers and mothers. Finally, there is the option of couples counseling to help you with ongoing conflicts in your relationship.
Find the Counselor That is Right for You
We know how important it is to find a counselor who “gets” you. Synergy Wellbeing’s unique Care Navigator is designed to help us find the right counselor for you.
